Coping with Perfectionism: Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

10 February 2025

Do you ever feel like you're constantly striving for perfection, only to end up feeling exhausted, anxious, or disappointed? If so, you're not alone. In today’s world, where social media and societal pressures highlight "flawless" lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism. But here's the kicker: perfectionism can be more harmful than helpful.

Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do things well. It’s about setting unattainable standards for yourself, standards so high that even your best efforts may never measure up. And what does that lead to? Stress, burnout, and a never-ending cycle of self-criticism.

In this article, we’re going to dive deep into how you can cope with perfectionism and, more importantly, how to let go of those unrealistic expectations that are holding you back. Let's explore how to shift your mindset, embrace imperfection, and finally give yourself a break!

What Exactly Is Perfectionism?

Before we tackle how to cope with perfectionism, it’s essential to understand what it is. Perfectionism is the belief that you need to be perfect or flawless in every aspect of life. Whether it's your work, appearance, relationships, or even hobbies, perfectionism demands the impossible: zero errors.

The Three Types of Perfectionism

Perfectionism isn’t a one-size-fits-all trait. In fact, psychologists have identified three main types of perfectionism:

1. Self-Oriented Perfectionism: This is when you impose perfectionist standards on yourself. You’re constantly judging your own actions and feel like nothing you do is ever good enough.

2. Socially Prescribed Perfectionism: This form of perfectionism stems from the belief that others expect you to be perfect. It’s the feeling that everyone around you is judging you and waiting for you to fail.

3. Other-Oriented Perfectionism: This type is when you expect others to meet your impossible standards. You're critical of their efforts and believe they should be doing things "your way"—aka the perfect way.

The Perfectionism Trap: Why It’s Harmful

On the surface, perfectionism might sound like a good thing. After all, what's wrong with striving for excellence? The problem is, perfectionism doesn’t lead to excellence; it leads to anxiety, fear of failure, and procrastination. You might spend so much time trying to make things perfect that you never actually finish anything.

Plus, perfectionism erodes your self-esteem. Since no one can ever be perfect, perfectionists are often plagued with feelings of inadequacy, no matter how much they accomplish. It’s like running on a treadmill that’s set to an impossibly high speed—you’re working hard, but you’re not getting anywhere.

How Perfectionism Shows Up in Everyday Life

Perfectionism doesn’t always look like someone obsessing over every tiny detail. Sometimes it hides in more subtle ways, like:

- Procrastination: You might put off tasks because you're waiting for the "perfect" time to start or because you're afraid of not doing them perfectly.

- All-or-Nothing Thinking: You either do something perfectly, or you don't do it at all. There's no middle ground.

- Fear of Failure: You’re so terrified of making mistakes that you avoid challenges where you might not succeed.

- Constant Self-Criticism: Even when you achieve something, you focus on what you could have done better rather than celebrating your success.

Does any of this sound familiar? If so, it's time to talk about how to cope with perfectionism and break free from these patterns.

Coping with Perfectionism: Strategies for Letting Go

So, how do you move past perfectionism? It’s not easy, but with the right strategies, you can start to shift your mindset and reduce the hold that perfectionism has on your life.

1. Recognize Your Perfectionist Tendencies

The first step in coping with perfectionism is recognizing when it’s happening. Start paying attention to your thoughts and behaviors. Are you setting unrealistic standards for yourself or others? Are you constantly criticizing your efforts or feeling anxious over tasks that should be simple?

Once you're aware, you can start to challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself: "Is this expectation realistic? Would I hold someone else to this standard?" Often, perfectionists hold themselves to standards they wouldn’t dream of applying to others.

2. Embrace the Concept of “Good Enough”

Perfectionists often have a hard time accepting that “good enough” is, well, good enough. But here’s the truth: most of the time, the world doesn’t need your best effort; it just needs an effort. Whether it's a work project or a family dinner, doing something well rather than perfectly is usually all that’s necessary.

Think of it this way: would you rather complete a task at 80% effort and move on, or spend hours agonizing over that last 20%? In most cases, the extra effort doesn't even make a noticeable difference.

3. Challenge Your Inner Critic

Perfectionists have an internal dialogue that’s often harsh and unforgiving. “You should have done better.” “You’re not good enough.” Sound familiar?

It’s time to challenge that inner critic. When those critical thoughts pop up, counter them with more realistic, compassionate responses. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I didn’t do that perfectly,” try replacing it with, “I did my best, and that’s what matters.”

4. Take Action Despite the Fear of Imperfection

One of the best ways to combat perfectionism is to take action, even when it’s scary. Perfectionists often procrastinate because they’re afraid of not doing something perfectly. The trick is to act anyway.

Start a project even if you’re not sure it will be perfect. Submit that report even if it’s not flawless. Post that social media update even if it’s not a masterpiece. The more you take imperfect action, the more you’ll realize that the world doesn’t fall apart when things aren’t perfect.

5. Reframe Mistakes as Learning Opportunities

One of the most harmful aspects of perfectionism is the belief that mistakes are failures. But here’s the thing: mistakes are inevitable, and they’re actually valuable.

Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, try reframing them as learning opportunities. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” When you start to view mistakes as part of the growth process, they become less terrifying.

6. Set Realistic and Flexible Goals

Another way to cope with perfectionism is by setting more realistic and flexible goals. Instead of aiming for perfection, aim for progress. Break your larger goals into smaller, manageable tasks, and celebrate each step along the way—even the messy ones.

It’s also important to build in flexibility. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes things won’t go as planned. That’s okay. Give yourself permission to adjust your goals and timelines when needed.

7. Practice Self-Compassion

Perfectionists are often their own worst critics. They’re quick to judge themselves harshly for any perceived shortcoming or failure. But what if you treated yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend?

Self-compassion involves recognizing that it’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. You’re human, and humans aren’t perfect. When you practice self-compassion, you give yourself the space to grow, learn, and improve without the constant pressure of perfection.

8. Limit Comparison to Others

Perfectionists often fall into the trap of comparing themselves to others, especially in the age of social media. But here’s the thing: you’re only seeing the highlight reel of other people’s lives, not the behind-the-scenes struggles.

Try to limit your comparisons. Instead of focusing on what others are doing, concentrate on your own journey. Everyone’s path is different, and comparing yourself to others is a surefire way to feel inadequate.

Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean you’re giving up on doing your best. It means you’re letting go of the unrealistic expectations that prevent you from enjoying life, taking risks, and feeling good about your efforts.

Shift Your Focus From Outcome to Effort

One of the most effective ways to let go of perfectionism is to shift your focus from the outcome to the effort. Instead of obsessing over results, ask yourself: “Did I give it my best shot?”

The reality is, you can’t control every outcome. But you can control the effort you put in. And that’s what truly matters.

Embrace Your Humanity

At the end of the day, perfectionism is about trying to be superhuman. But here’s a gentle reminder: you’re human, and that’s perfectly okay. Embrace your humanity—flaws and all.

When you let go of the need to be perfect, you free yourself to be authentic, to take risks, and to grow. And isn’t that what life’s all about?

Celebrate Imperfection

Lastly, celebrate your imperfections! They’re what make you unique. Instead of hiding your quirks or flaws, embrace them. They’re part of your story, and they make you who you are.

Final Thoughts

Coping with perfectionism takes time and effort, but it’s absolutely worth it. By recognizing your perfectionist tendencies and adopting healthier, more compassionate approaches, you can free yourself from the pressure to be perfect. Remember, life isn’t about achieving perfection—it’s about progress, growth, and self-compassion.

So, give yourself permission to be imperfect. You’ll be amazed at how much happier and more fulfilled you’ll feel when you finally let go of unrealistic expectations.